Taking The Mirror Down

Today I am taking down the mirror.
 

I think of the song written or sung by Michael Jackson... Man in the mirror. I have chosen to forget the man in the mirror. I no longer want to start with him/her. I want to forget her and find the new me in a new mirror.

I have, over the course of this year, have come to the understanding that the person in the mirror is the constant reminder of the failure, misfortunes and disdain that has fallen upon her/me or NOT!

 I have consistently looked upon myself as a victim not recognizing the victor to be found within, which I have become. I have not seen her when I look in the mirror for the fog of old that has clouded my judgement. In all of my cleaning she cannot be found in the mirror. Although, I am a victorious woman.

I am realizing that this mirror must come down and that I need to hang a new one or wait a while until that can be done with style and grace not forced.


It may not be necessary to write or journal all the misfortunes I have over come; especially to the happy seekers that believe in the law of attraction. However, if I fail to list the victories, I shall not prove to myself or others the extent of that which I have prevailed.

There will always be a tendency to look back in order to see forward, however it is what I see in the reflecting process which will determine the greatness of my future.

I shall discover a new mirror to hang!

Like this perhaps.

Push Myself

Why?

How is it that I can motivate the lowest to the elite and have, but can't push myself?

I have put in place a series of work that has helped many of people gain success. Yet I have been frozen with fear to rise to the top and implement these proven methods I've created. I have in my possession many of books I've written and a Q&A process that leads you to success.

What I ask is holding me back. Me!

My being so afraid to be the best or better. I remember once my mother tell me... "You better not bring another A in my house as long as your sister is failing."

I did not know then that her statement was a means to impress upon me the value of family and helping others succeed. Later I figured it falls under the ..."Am I my brothers keeper" rule. It wasn't until just recently that I realized, that statement has been the stumbling block to my success.

I have found the root of my problem and now I am able to move past being ashamed, apprehensive or embarrassed by my smarts, accomplishments and ever rising to a grand level of success.

Today I celebrate the freedom to fly for my wings are healed now. I take off to soar like never before.

Z

The Best Present

The flow of life anew, is the present called "today".

It is in the allowing we find a renewing of things past known, experienced, heard, felt, and spoken. It is in the present that we find that gift called magic. It is in the majestic flow that we come to the manifestation of destinations on the journey called life that which we alone has summoned. In our calling of that which is just and pure we find ourselves affirming that thing called good.

I call forth the ability, will, desire, determination and expectation to experience, enjoy and evoke love upon the present in order to obtain the new the morrow. I breath in the magical essence called life. I dare not take for granted the fullness there in. It is in each and every breath that I am afforded the opportunity to be apart of all and to manifest all through the all I AM that is within all things as well as myself. It is the tool or blessing that is set in place that I may be destined to achieve the present that is set as law within the universal poetic flow. It is in this flow that I dance with destiny toward the end of a bounty full journey; ever twisting, ever turning, inspiring, moulding, mending and shaping the essence call I AM that is found in ME!

Today I celebrate the ability and willingness to allow life anew each and every moment; not bring in the clouds of yester-minute, day,year...moment called mine.

I find magic in the present as I enjoy life anew!

Cry, Re-lease and let it go.

The saying "we are all in this together" means just that... We are ALL in this place, space, or universe together and what I do inadvertently sends out effects; and in some way affects ALL.

We tend to hold on to people, places and things; past the duration of our GOD intended lease or we manage to skip out/abandon the lease before hand; there by creating or experiencing chaos.

This chaos is a vibrational force that sends out a rippled effect that affects us all...as we are apart of the ALL-AH.

I think of the police officer, who for what ever the reason, pulled his gun out on a child and killed then thinks ALL is fine; how he will in one way shape, form or fashion find that his rippled effect has affected all that he knows and much of who he does not know. The lives that were immediately affected will have a lasting imprint in the precious substantial moments of their life's journey. They will carry this a lifetime making future decisions on the aftermath. Many nights they will cry... will they ever release, let alone let it go?

I think of the child that chose not to come to have the human experience through me... how I cry for him/her/them... there were more than 1. How I find myself in the wee hours of the night like now... crying and missing them.

I think of the child that I chose not to allow the human experience because I was young, afraid, and raped; how I cried to abort them... yes I cried fearfully!

I think of the child that was snatched from my womb by the mistaken Dr. who misdiagnosed; how I cry for his/her touch. Yes it was 1.

I think of the child I long to have now... I cry for fear time is up on my clock.

I think of the love of my life on the other side of town with the women he loves... because I sent him away... now I cry for his presence.

I think of the love of my life walking away to the mothers of his children... you see I have none of his... I cry in emptiness.

I think of the man that looks me in the eye and declare his love for me; giving it freely to others; and dismisses my desire to be the apple of his eye: alone... I cry to be chosen.

I think of the hole in my soul that causes the void of love... I am not committed or allowed the love completely... for fear I shall leave and let it go...I shall...he came, he tasted, he went... Still I cry.

When I think of release, I think of what it originally meant...

Re= Egyptian origin; Rê, ancient Egyptian god Ra.

Re=Ra=God

Lease = is a contract that determines for how long you can stay at the place you are renting and how much you have to pay...

I think of how God determines for how long you can stay at the place you are using and what price you have to pay. Those of you that do not believe in GOD or ALL-AH or SOURCE or UNIVERSE may not feel that any one thing determines anything in your life. In this case this thing called LAW or KARMA or DESTINY controlling much of your life; I say same difference.

We have to allow that our lease is up on any given thought, person, place, thing or experience at the appointed or given time and that GOD shall re-lease us unto another. By understanding that allowing is not giving up or condemning, it is taking us to the next momentous experience we find our joy and happiness.

When I think of letting go...

I think of the fear of not having. I think of the fear of aloneness. I think of being empty hearted and empty handed. I think of long nights. I think of sadness and heartache.

also...

I think of new and freshness. I think of smiles and laughter. I think of sunshine. I think of love.

Most of all I think of crying and being tear-less.

Still I Cry, in order to re-lease; finding that I let go and yet experiencing the NEXT Now!

Fear of SUCCESS Stress

Man! I never realized that the fear of success is full of stress. Just when I think I know myself; I am stressed out due to the fear of success.

I have so many things going on that will take me to the top and the closer I get, the more stressed out I get. Not for the doing that I have to do to get there; but from the thoughts of what happens if I really get there.

This is nuts. Although many a men have stolen my ideas and claimed my works as theirs; it is I who am my biggest saboteur.

I push my children to be the best that they can be as I sit and watch them rise... I pause. They often ask me when will I take my ideas and run to the top? Good question I say.

The time is now. I must push past this blockade that I have build and shine on my grind. Although I am forever grinding I lack the shine. I sit worried what others will think or do when wealth take me to my rightful place. Then I look to my right and left and now I say... who is here now... not too many. So the heck with the rest.

Today is the first day of the best days of the rest of my life. I am free of self and move with SELF to the top... as Zig Ziggler say..."See you at the top"! I say keep hating so I won't have to. lol.

Length of Time

It is not how well you get along with that special someone but how well you work it out when you do not, that determines the length of time of the relationship.

compromise is key

both parties need to find satisfaction, validation, complete understanding, and to be heard

There always need to be some grey areas in all situations in order to be able to meet in the middle or on top as some may say.

Today I celebrate my ability to relate and find the grey that gets me to the top of all.

Mind This Matter

It is all Mind Over Matter! Time to choose to mind the matter.

Time to make up in my mind, to place the things that matter to me at the top; of my list of matter of factual differentials. High time it matters to me that which is good, pure, honest, happy, healthy, loving, wealth, growth filled, ever lasting forward progressive truth. Minding matters that are trivial are the destructive time wasters; which take up most of the monumental moments that you never get back.

No thing taken for granted or over looked shall be replaced regardless of the lack of thought or intent. A failed attempt, a disregarded request or a moment not appreciated will not deem itself worthy of recognition, appreciation, affordability, or notice; it shall only flee in the manner in which it came... passing you by. It is what we do in the moments given to us by the present, called today that really matters. No thing taken to mind in hind-site shall matter in the moments passed. Sometimes you are not afforded the come-around.

Today I am intentional in the mind over this matter. I am minding on purpose the matters of this heart, body and soul.

Taking Aim: Youth Violence... African Americans At Fault

If White America remove their proverbial noose off the necks of the black community and allow us to parent our children where they can understand and appreciate OUR language, culture and tribal communication and unity, which will develop the systematic sustainable approach to uplifting our own community; this in turn will strengthen America as a whole.

White America need to stand up, recognize and acknowledge the fact that, we were a country within our DNA that has its own cultural competency.The conflict lies within our DNA. We are not attempting to change whites; yet every where they go, stop, land, conceive and assume a position they feel they hold authority in their hand. So when are they going to wake up to a knowing that we, the world, are not wrong or lacking because we are different in hue, mannerisms, speech, spiritualism, multiculturalism or any other thought process not mentioned.

We as Americans, have to come to an understanding that Black America is a melting pot of multiple nations. Black’s are looked upon as having come from one nation or commonplace when in fact we are a multicultural, multinational, multifaceted unified existence; not allowed to be separate within the same.

So of course,the raising, rearing and educating of our children should indeed be separate and recognize to be different. Until then; continually their will be violence and unruly children who are left confused, conflicted and misguided. So the solution to the problem is segregated but truly be equal.

Z and Angela-Ah

This is in reference to http://newsroom.blogs.cnn.com/2009/07/11/taking-aim-youth-violence/

A masterpiece Mine

I often wonder the true thoughts of my children.

Do they love me? Do they hate me? Do they resent me? Do they want me? Do they listen and most of all do they appreciate me?

I often wonder are they aware of my sacrifices, my yielding of my dreams, my desires, and life over to theirs, my tarnishing of my dreams in order to stand as mother to them and give them a fair, moderate, growth focused, and the hope filled future I desire for them.

I often wonder if the man in my heart, the one I love, and the one who professes to return that love unto me; knows that I love him enough to grow past my inhibitions, boundaries, comfort zones and fears. I often wonder if he understands that my stance along side him is that of a willingness of a togetherness of tomorrow and an allowance of the majestic moments of anew.

I am aware that I AM the masterpiece that was created to be the me as I stand today flowing in the growth of perfecting the fullness there of; while experiencing the joy, pains, happiness, sadness, and the plethora of all life is; no more, no less.

I celebrat the magical life: mine.

TRUTH FILLED MOMENTS

I found this fascinating quote today:

The truth of the matter is I get caught up in the perfection of pleasing the one that I loose sight of the whole. I know this is not beneficial to the fullness of togetherness in the long run. How not? Well even though many would think that pleasing that one in you life, would and should stand first and foremost in a woman's life. To that, I say you are correct; just not right.Scribe Azima, TRUTH FILLED MOMENTS, Jun 2009

You should read the whole article.

Love a Mist

The lingering dew of the mist of love seems not to be enough to quench the thirst: mine. More and more I am fading into the misty blues of love. A love; that has not been the filler of what I thought I posses. I have not been that which I set out to be or to obtain, in the midst of this love. How do I be that which he sees me not? DO I even TRY?

NO more!

Have you ever woke up and found out you are not who you thought you were to the one who is everything in your world? Seems like this is the story of my life. Maybe instead of the regulatory background check or catch up, the quest should be to find out how this person sees you or what role you may play in this persons video. WOW! Life is like that box of chocolate... you don't know what you are going to get and most of the stuff gets left in the box; because it is not palatable. But what do you do with the chocolate that you chose to bite into? Anyhow that is another blog.

Back to the question at hand.

I remember feeling that I was my sister's best-friend and found out later we were enemies... literally! I was flabbergasted.

I can even remember thinking I was friends with this guy and he was thinking I was his woman. Can you imagine the mess when I introduced my man to him? Yeah... disastrous.

Now, how can you imagine having a man and he, after a year ends up telling you the role in his life he sees you in is, educator! LOL. I am clear now that wife is out of this picture if it ever was in! Surely husband for me is out and diminished. Love is there but it is a mist. I tried not to hear him but lord knows I have no choice. Now my question is... how do you move from wanting to be this nurturing, caring, loving, catering, affectionate, motherly, sensual sista to the educator?

I am thrown a loop. Nothing I do can or will put me in the wife's role with this man.

I do clearly understand that my position must be... to be what he sees me as. What do I look like trying to fill another woman's role in his life. Crazy huh.

In this moment I celebrate my own stance on who I am and not trying to fill the shoes of another. If I am not that one... change the game or players.

In this moment, I celebrate... I am that one, in my life.

Love nor War

All is not fair in love nor war

There is a bomb you must not throw to even the score

A bomb you see

That will kill you and me.

When faced with defeat,

There is always an escape to even the case.

You must remember the door.

There is two options for you to see

Death is one, the trump is retreat.

A fool buries himself

The wise opt out or defeat.

Leaving a time once more

For this cause Love or War.

Well, maybe ALL is fair

if you dare to live or die.

Oh my why cry?

For the choice is always yours.

Left or faced with defeat...

die or retreat.

Cry no more.

All is fair in love and war!

The Power of a LOVE; Sung

In this moment of enormous heighten insecurity; the love of my life is threatening once again to walk out on US, ME the WE.

I choose to ride off into the momentous sunset to seek my solace in the harmonious unification of creation. The Source filled power of the chaotic is overwhelming yet comforting; the monumental feeling of defeat that is grasping out at me. The chirping of the robin in the bush, irritates the core of my being; not that he is out of sync in the flow of togetherness, but that he is and I long to be. The greater feeling of wanting to belong is flooding to the forefront; leaving the feeling of abandonment on the side of the road. If there is not he then where will the we be?

What is it or what does it take for me to be in the harmonious flow of the togetherness that surrounds me? What am I missing? What is he missing? My love, our love is it not strong enough to overpower his desire to be apart of a whole not the few, found in US? I dare to exhale the fullness of a separation. Yet her pull, their pull is stronger than the desire of ever in the the everlasting on with me. I found myself out of alignment of his greater purpose. His design and desire does not include the choosing of one; yet many. I once walked in agreeance with the grand plan and now I find myself on the outside looking in.

I found myself loving in a space of which I have never visited or tred before. This Selfish kind of love. This selfish kind of love. This selfish form of greed. Yes I said it thrice. That is how many ways and times I questioned what am I doing and how did I get off ship? He surely has been honest from the beginning of this quest or journey we are/were on. It is I, who have not been honest with him or self, until now. He is not wavering his will... am I?

I want alone-ness of the whole with him. I want him and I to be ONE alone. This is not in the grand scheme of things at hand. The greater fullness of the whole is togetherness of the many to create oneness of the many. Fact is don't know where I am and don't know where he is going. All I know is I love him: Selfishly.

My soul cries out as I vent of our parting of ways and will, to the listening ear of the one who afforded me friendship; the phone rings.

"You are so beautiful to me..." he sings so eloquently of familiar gone by. I began to smile as I listen and remembered the times his singing was the light to a busy day and was plenteous. I remember his ability to make me smile no matter the song; in that moment. I began to smile. he sang on. My eyes welled up... a tear falls. "beautiful" a muster out as he finishes the first verse. He goes on. My heart warms to the harmonious flow of his love to my soul. I breathe in ever so deeply as forgiveness overwhelms me. I breathe out... exhale if I must... all I want is to savor this moment.

My smile wars my soul as he continues; how can I forget the moment I first began to smile at him...

I melted as he walked toward me handing me my tea.

This moment: a reflection, a renewing of hope, a confronting of fear and insecurity, and joy in my wait.

If he decides to leave... in this moment...

I submit to the power of a LOVE sung.

Childlike Expression

I allow my inner child to express the joys I feel.

I open up to the playground of LIFE that I may allow my inner child time to play, daily.

I enter each new moment, whether good or bad, as a child... eager to know, learn and truly experience the joys and/or pains of the moment.

Today I celebrate my childlike expression.

Caught Empty Handed

I ran into this guy that hurt me to the very core of my being; about 15 years ago at the supermarket today. Yeah I know; it has been a long time to be speaking on what he did. Thing is, I had no contact with him in the aforementioned time frame. I had no opportunity to be confronted before now.

He greeted me with wide eyes and and aura of excitement of looking upon me; once again. At first glance, I did not recognize him. It wasn't until he went to hug me and the fell of his touch, that I felt the rising up of familiar. I gently pulled back.

The first flood of emotions was fear for my daughter who was with me. I didn't want to alert her of my apprehension of furthering the conversation. I didn't want her to know he hurt me. Then he blurts out "I am preaching now". I froze. Then I hurriedly moved to the door of the supermarket; explaining to him I was leaving. I was hoping he would get the picture and walk away. He kept trying to hold the conversation. He even offered up the desire for me to come visit him at his church.

Later...

As I sat quietly; I began to stew. I was overwhelmed with thoughts of betrayal of myself. I should have done something. I should have confronted him for touching me, talking to me, and surely for suggesting I visit him. But I did nothing. I began to hear a voice saying softly... "Your healed". I let it pass as quickly and quietly as it came. I wondered what was wrong with me. Hey maybe I was forgiving him or maybe I was still afraid. Was it, I was a weak minded coward like before?

I chose to seek council with the Traveler.

How do you know if your operating in forgiveness or fear? Two key factors that the Traveler pointed out was... forgiveness it intentional and they feel different. My first mind was to beg the differ. But I stilled myself and questioned self. I found that I could not have forgiven I had no intention to ever forgive. I found I was not cowering to the thought of him hurting me. I probed further. I did not like the feeling that rose up in me. I had to escape self.

I went for a run on the track. Then I walked around and round till I could stand to listen from within. I argued " Your crazy for real. Don't you think he deserves a punishing. I know you don't think he should just get away with it." I found myself with no justification of the lack of action or desire to act. I heard that subtle voice say again "Your healed". Wow. Could it be that I have no emotion or reaction because I am no longer in pain? Now that has got to be irrational to any person.

I woke up this morning saying "yes I am healed". But my rational mind wanted to be angry and justified in that anger.Then I realized there is no need for revenge, anger, or any type of justifiable negative energy. I am truly healed of this pain and many of the pains of my past. This was the biggest test.

In my search of self, I was caught empty handed of the most sought after emotion: anger.

Z

The Alone Side of Togetherness

I woke up this morning with the thought of, the alone side of togetherness. What or better-yet why, is that the first thing that the universe whispered to me? I realized, that today I am found alone once again; in the togetherness of the love relationship I possess. My reality is that, I am alone and moments of loneliness tries to flood my mind. I am faced with the options to wallow or rise. I choose to rise. I choose to enjoy the alone time and reflect upon the joy filled moment this love has offered me over the course of this journey in which I am on.

Reflecting upon the laughter, the spontaneous melodies sung to me over the phone that bring tears of joy to my heart and eyes; I smile. As I breath in this moment I capture the remembrance of a moment I caught him pausing from his work to look upon me; he smiles.

On this alone side of togetherness I embrace the ability to re-member us. In his absentia I exhale a sigh of longing for his touch, voice, and his energy that revives me. As I inhale the purest form of love that he leaves behind; I am warmed throughout my soul. A tear fall from my eyes, not due to the loneliness yet the togetherness that we have ever so graciously created.

I choose to embrace the fullness of togetherness at this moment; although history has shown when left alone the tendency is to play or stray out of the yard. I choose to savor the fullness of our boundaries we have staked this love upon. Many ask is it worth it; when left alone so often? Knowing the fullness of his whereabouts and plausible actions... I tend to wonder and wander upon the terrain of loves lair. Where have I found my solace? In the monumental moments of reflections of the embraces of his love; our love. If it all ends today... I have been truly blessed with the joys of a love: ever growing, ever forgiving, ever building my strength of character, eternally strengthening my ability to embrace the joyous side of life and renewing my desire to be... in the moment.

Z

A Will to FLOW

As I go with the flow of the moment that come and go,

The resources avail themselves as needed.

I will flow with the universe for it has created all that is needed as my provision.

I will allow the provision of the ALL Source to become the resources appropriate for the moment at hand.

Today I celebrate the the will to go with flow.

Release and Renew... Affirm

I release the old and invite the renewal of a sound mind, body and spirit.

I release the past thankfully, recognizing it was the stepping stone to today.

I release the chains that bind me in order to be free to express, address, and move into progress.

I invite the renewal process of all I am.

I am thankful, for it is in the present of that which is called today; I am afforded the opportunity to renew.

Sunny Side Up

As I awaken out of the slumber by the glaring commitment of the sun; i stretch and rise. I am reminded of the laws of the universe. I am made once again aware of the law of attraction. That which you set your mind to you shall achieve. What soever a man think, does that ring a bell?

You see the sun is committed to rise and shine daily.

My first thought was that the sun is set to a committed schedule I can count on. Why am I not committed on a schedule of my life? Creating a business or designing a life's plan requires dedication and commitment. I have activated the desire, the will, the know-how, the plan but I have failed at the commitment.

I once was told that if I ever wanted to truly know the answer to life's questions look around and see creation. My question the other day was "what am I doing wrong or not doing?", as I walked the track. My answer came out of my slumber... commitment; the lack there of.

Today I shall ponder upon the sun. I shall bask in it's commitment to the universe. Today I see the example of the sun as I set it up above the minor mishaps of the day.

Today I celebrate the sunny side of life. Today I rise up out of the slumber of meager existence. Today as I rise I commit to my intentional participation in LIFE!

Celebration of Centering

As I breathe in centering of SELF through love, I embrace the thought of others creating a center for themselves in this universe and at the same time being author of my own centering; I design my plan.

I am no longer settling for the mediocrity of allowing or just belonging; better yet, just being a part of. I am intentional in my choosing of that which I plan to be a part of.

I am observant in my approach in the processes in which I choose to implement my centering. I set out to develop, design, and manage that mark... some call a hub, rod, or focal point. I formulate a plan of grounding myself with the core of the earth as well as the force field of the universe. I am determined to stand firm and waver not in the stormiest moments.

In doing so I am able to stand in the midst of the storms of life without breaking in the bend and uprooting in the pull.

Today I celebrate my ability to design and determine my center.

Z