A masterpiece Mine

I often wonder the true thoughts of my children.

Do they love me? Do they hate me? Do they resent me? Do they want me? Do they listen and most of all do they appreciate me?

I often wonder are they aware of my sacrifices, my yielding of my dreams, my desires, and life over to theirs, my tarnishing of my dreams in order to stand as mother to them and give them a fair, moderate, growth focused, and the hope filled future I desire for them.

I often wonder if the man in my heart, the one I love, and the one who professes to return that love unto me; knows that I love him enough to grow past my inhibitions, boundaries, comfort zones and fears. I often wonder if he understands that my stance along side him is that of a willingness of a togetherness of tomorrow and an allowance of the majestic moments of anew.

I am aware that I AM the masterpiece that was created to be the me as I stand today flowing in the growth of perfecting the fullness there of; while experiencing the joy, pains, happiness, sadness, and the plethora of all life is; no more, no less.

I celebrat the magical life: mine.

TRUTH FILLED MOMENTS

I found this fascinating quote today:

The truth of the matter is I get caught up in the perfection of pleasing the one that I loose sight of the whole. I know this is not beneficial to the fullness of togetherness in the long run. How not? Well even though many would think that pleasing that one in you life, would and should stand first and foremost in a woman's life. To that, I say you are correct; just not right.Scribe Azima, TRUTH FILLED MOMENTS, Jun 2009

You should read the whole article.

Love a Mist

The lingering dew of the mist of love seems not to be enough to quench the thirst: mine. More and more I am fading into the misty blues of love. A love; that has not been the filler of what I thought I posses. I have not been that which I set out to be or to obtain, in the midst of this love. How do I be that which he sees me not? DO I even TRY?

NO more!

Have you ever woke up and found out you are not who you thought you were to the one who is everything in your world? Seems like this is the story of my life. Maybe instead of the regulatory background check or catch up, the quest should be to find out how this person sees you or what role you may play in this persons video. WOW! Life is like that box of chocolate... you don't know what you are going to get and most of the stuff gets left in the box; because it is not palatable. But what do you do with the chocolate that you chose to bite into? Anyhow that is another blog.

Back to the question at hand.

I remember feeling that I was my sister's best-friend and found out later we were enemies... literally! I was flabbergasted.

I can even remember thinking I was friends with this guy and he was thinking I was his woman. Can you imagine the mess when I introduced my man to him? Yeah... disastrous.

Now, how can you imagine having a man and he, after a year ends up telling you the role in his life he sees you in is, educator! LOL. I am clear now that wife is out of this picture if it ever was in! Surely husband for me is out and diminished. Love is there but it is a mist. I tried not to hear him but lord knows I have no choice. Now my question is... how do you move from wanting to be this nurturing, caring, loving, catering, affectionate, motherly, sensual sista to the educator?

I am thrown a loop. Nothing I do can or will put me in the wife's role with this man.

I do clearly understand that my position must be... to be what he sees me as. What do I look like trying to fill another woman's role in his life. Crazy huh.

In this moment I celebrate my own stance on who I am and not trying to fill the shoes of another. If I am not that one... change the game or players.

In this moment, I celebrate... I am that one, in my life.